The Church of Gabriel Rod

For those non-believers

2008-08-30T16:38:54Z

Many anti-Rodists have claimed that Gabriel is not the sexiest man alive; Many Anti-Rodists are not alive now.

The church has decided for the safety of Anti-Rodists out there, we provide irrefutable evidence of Gabriel's hotness.

You do not want to evoke Gabriel's Wrath, it is too hot to handle.

Gabriel is so immensely beautiful that even computers cannot detect him. For if he was in their database, there would be a sudden increase in suicide rates in celebrities all across the globe.

He shall be called...

2008-08-28T16:08:10Z

Gabriel has decreed that since pronouncing Gabriel Rod is too long, and it may cause him to be associated to lesser beings too named Gabriel, Thus

he has decided to simplify his name to the acronym:

G.O.D

GabrielrOD

The Altar of the Church

2008-08-28T16:00:21Z

The altar of Gabriel's Church is a Rainbow sprouting fountain that appears almost magical in nature. It has a musky smell but tantilizing tastes.

Rodists drink from the Holy fountain of Rod as each colour blesses you in different ways.

Red: Chastity for Gabriel and only him
Blue: Moderation in your adoration (He wants adorers and not fanatics)
Yellow: Be Generous and give Gabriel anything he asks you to give him
Indigo: Zeal towards the one and only Gabriel
Green: Meekness, Gabriel LOVES meek Rodists
Violet: Be Charitable, by not judging those who have yet to see the might of Gabriel
Orange: Humility, for you can never have an ego bigger than Gabriel

Exams

2008-08-28T15:30:54Z

During this critical exam period, Gabriel does not like wasting time. As such, during papers, he ensures that he only does the minimum marks to get an A for a subject, before closing his eyes.

To the untrained eye, it appears as though he is sleeping. It is during this period where his spirit leaves his coperal form to inspire his Rodists taking the examinations. However, all is not what it seems, for merely being in the same room as Gabriel causes one to recieve a surge of inspiration and knowledge. Many a times, unprepared non-Rodists would lose their minds due to too much knowledge to fit into their tiny human brains. When you lose your mind you do crazy things.

Human meat = Yummy. Insanity sign 1

Study Break

2008-08-26T16:04:46Z

The Church is under study vigil

You can study hard but you will forever be second best to Gabriel Rod. Obviously

What Gabriel does for fun

2008-08-22T15:26:44Z

Today, a Rodist was caught sleeping on Gabriel's chair. Things did not turn out very well.

Gabriel wanted to sit down to read the magazine Gabriel Rod: Myth or Man?, but is blocked

Instead of wasting his breath on a mere Rodist, he chose to search for: Gabriel's Book of Magic Moolah

He proceeded to transform the Rodist's penis into a laptop

Before getting another Rodist to squish the other.

In the name of fun for Gabriel, this Rodist was elated to have a laptop for a penis, sadly his pee is acidic now and burns through the urinals.

SIN #1

2008-08-19T15:21:21Z

All females belong to Gabriel. Thats a fact. If you are a guy, being within the range of 1m of any girl in the vicinity of Gabriel is a SIN.

Doing it willingly and intentionally makes Gabriel really really angry.

Angry Gabriel = BAD

Rodist aware that he is sleeping next to a girl while Gabriel is just in front of him

Rodist goes back to sleep thinking Gabriel is unaware. WRONG

Gabriel is always aware, aware of those who break his commandments.

Oh, look at how Gabriel smiles, for he knows that that Rodist will suffer the worst fate ever.
To be locked within Gabriel's Box' O Sin.

The Holy Book of Gabriel Chapter 1

2008-08-19T14:15:05Z

When Gabriel learned that the Earth revolved around the sun, he was furious. He thought, "Who the hell does the sun think he is? Why in MY name do I have to revolve around it too?" So, Gabriel went atop his trampoline and jumpped. The netting broke and he catapulted himself into space. Within a second he was floating next to the sun and demanded, "You are to revolve around ME from now on!" However the sun did not reply. Thus Gabriel engaged in a stare down competition with the sun, Gabriel's hotness was too much for the sun to handle so much so that it turned dark. Thus it set the way for whenever Gabriel looks at the sun, an eclipse is seen for it tries to cower in fear of the greater power. The stare down lasted a mear 1/1000000000th of a second, as there was no contest. This show of might caused 200 suns all across the universe to go supernova at once, for fear of having to meet Gabriel. Gabriel convinced our sun not to go supernova as Gabriel could not live in harmony with his Rodists if he burnt them all with his rays of splendor while trying to keep alive an entire eco-system without a sun. In his final move, Gabriel chest bumped the sun into a geosynchronous orbit about him.

Gabriel, the only person known in history to have the sun as a pet.

Bodily Functions

2008-08-18T13:11:40Z

Gabriel's Body is unbelievable. What you are about to read will make you rethink the person that is Gabriel.

First up, he has 7 penises, which is not only hard to believe but hard to imagine too. However, Gabriel has transcended human logic. Although no one has seen it happen, it is apparent that Gabriel is able to ejeculate 7 different streams of semen. Can you taste the rainbow?

Because it is beyond human logic, here is an artist's impression of Gabriel's amazing ability

Second up, Gabriel has extra-extra-ordinary muscle control. According to him, he is able to pull diamonds out of his ass, literally.

In nature, diamonds are made from carbon which are super compressed and super heated deep under the surface. Gabriel is able to recreate those conditions as his muscle control enables him to exert up to 1,000,000 PSI of pressure and his super Hot body can simulate temperatures up to 2,000,000,000 K.

It may sound crude, but Gabriel can create an unlimited source of diamonds from his ass. However, being Gabriel, he has transcended material wealth, diamonds are worthless.

Undivided Worship from his Rodists are the only thing he needs.

Gabriel's Body Guards

2008-08-18T12:39:08Z

Gabriel is Hot Property and thus is the target for radicals and Anti-Rodists who want to blow him up, which is physically impossible.

Gabriel is a Kind and Caring person who does not want to overly hurt people coming for his life as they can be converted.
However, any sort of self defense that he might employ may lead to the death of not only the aggressor but damage the area around him and lead to the loss of Rodists lives.

Note: Rodists always are within 5m of Gabriel whenever he may be. THAT is the level of their dedication.

Gabriel had to employ the help of body guards for both self defense and to pry female Rodists away from him. Apparently, whenever a female Rodist is in the presence of Gabriel, they are magnetically drawn to him, an unstoppable force. If they get too close, they too may get burnt from Gabriel's extremely hot body.

Thankfully, male Rodists do not suffer from these effects, thou rare cases are observed.

Gabriel with his body guards. Clearly, he feels safe knowing for a fact that people won't get hurt just because he is too damn awesome.

Multi-tasking

2008-08-18T12:10:31Z

Some people think that they can multi task real well and are experts at it.
However these people have never met Gabriel. Those poor souls.

Let him show you the way:

Gabriel juggling a ball, balancing a ball at an impossible angle, playing a PSP, reading newspapers, talking to his Rodists, sleeping and in the middle of 2 orgasms

Yet this is Gabriel relaxed, you should see him with all cylinders firing. Never has one seen him concentrating solely on 1 task, not that he needs to. If he did, Prof Hawking and Prof Einstein might have to rethink the theories of relativity, black holes and space.

Eye Powers

2008-08-17T17:05:12Z

It is rumoured that if one looked straight into Gabriel's eyes, its allure and sparkle can make the blind see.

Gabriel looking at a blind person

However, Gabriel just loves seeing blind people suffer. Why the smile O Great One! Why the smile?

DO NOT Anger HIM

2008-08-15T11:14:35Z

Today, an Anti-Rodist made a sweeping comment:

"Hey Gabriel, I think Brad Pitt is like hotter than you!"

There are 3 errors in this statement:
1) Humans are not allowed to address Gabriel by "Hey".

The proper term when addressing Gabriel is:
Hail the Almighty, Handsome, Intelligent, Wise, Assertive, Blessed, Sporty, Majestic........and so on.........MASTER
You shall continue to list such words until you see Gabriel smile. If you are unable to do so, the last thing you may see before death may be the insides of your rectum, and it is a dark dark place.

2) Brad Pitt is a Human, Gabriel is NOT.

NEVER use another person's name in the same sentence as "Gabriel"

3) NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING is Hotter than Gabriel, not even fire itself.

This image was captured just as the Anti-Rodist completed his sentence.

Gabriel is not amused.

No one has seen that Anti-Rodist since then. On another note, this appeared in the aftermath suddenly.

We know it is just dust, Anti-Rodists do not believe so.

Clothing

2008-08-15T10:47:11Z

Gabriel not only is suave and great at killing hamsters(as seen above), he too is known for his dress sense.

Yet, many Rodists have never seen Gabriel's true garb.

Outside of our mortal realm, he wears the most masterful clothing around, in order to sweep up occupants for his harems off their feet and into his pants.

Gabriel wearing his Holy Green Robes of Pimp-age

Gabriel teaches us that green is wrong. GREEN = SIN.
It may seem to be an illogical fallacy to us humans, but the fact remains.
Gabriel CANNOT sin.

Chemistry Test

2008-08-14T14:14:44Z

Today, Gabriel sat for a chemistry test in order to dumb himself down to our human level. However his paper was relatively blank at the point of submission. When asked why, he replied,"..." Minutes before the test, he was still half awake.

Eye witness reports claim that Gabriel used his immense muscles to leap forward into the future and give himself an A for chemistry by threatening the chemistry department to melt it down using his man-eater rays, so much so that is caused a ripple effect through time and made it so he received a maximum score before even attempting the test. On his jump back to the current, he even managed to grab hold of the fabric of space to fashion a pillow for himself.

Bystanders clearly could see him resting on his pillow of space dust throughout the entire test duration.

Artist impression of the pillow he slept on

Sexual Prowess

2008-08-14T13:51:08Z

Gabriel achieves an orgasm every 1.5 seconds. Here you see him unloading his excess semen through his sweat glands. Amazing

Gabriel too enjoys frequent sexual activity with men, many a times with more than 5 at one go.
Here, you can clearly see him crying out in orgasamic pleasure.

Overview

2008-08-14T13:40:55Z

Gabrielrodism is the worship of the one named Gabriel Rod, the sexiest man alive. It is centered around Gabriel and his Rod.

His commandments are as follows:

DO NOT eat vegetables

Vegetables are green and chewy. Green and chewy = waste of time and BAD

Do NOT wear the same pair of shoes on consecutive days

Spoil you feet, they like feeling different everyday

DO eat donuts

Donuts are round and squishy, Gabriel enjoys round and squishy things and so should you

gabrielrodism @ 2008-08-13T00:00:00

2008-08-14T12:39:09Z

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